Letters #17 - Saradomin Speaks Once More

Saradomin Speaks Once More

SARADOMIN, LORD OF ORDER, KEEPER OF PEACE, AND SCOURGE OF EVIL BRINGS FORTH WISDOM TO HIS FOLLOWERS ONCE MORE.
POPULAR TOPICS THIS TIME INCLUDE NEW PRAYERS, RIDDLES TO TAX A DEITY, AND THE MYSTERY OF THE LOCATIONS OF BANKS...

Hello once more glorious Saradominists!
It seems an age since last I imparted my great wisdoms to you all... and with all the fuss being made about the upgrade that will shortly befall the world, I simply had to respond to my faithfuls' pleas before it occurred!
So what have been the topics that have been burning in my followers hearts since last I spoke to you all?
Let us see...

Dear Wise Saradomin,
I am one of the paladins sworn in your honour. We use the prayers you graciously grant us to help others, with a weapon in our other hand. When the Deepening comes and the world gains its depth, will we be granted more prayers?

Signed, a Paladin, of Ardougne

The change that is slowly descending upon this world will affect all aspects of the game... prayer included.
Those of sufficient prayer level will almost certainly be pleasantly surprised when first they see what prayers they may soon utilise.

Dear Saradomin
I read your last letters aloud to my congregation, and I noticed you were unusually sarcastic, almost spiteful. I do not know the reason. Perhaps you were simply having a bad day. But is there a reason for this change? I find it unbecoming in most men, let alone a god. My congregation noticed too.

Yours in faith, as always,
Father Aereck, of the church of Lumbridge

You are indeed astute for a mortal... my previous bad temper was as a result of a childish prank that the fiendish Zamorak had played upon me, shortly before I made my responses to my followers.
I do not wish to dwell upon the details, but the smell of rotting fish still disturbs mine senses.
Regardless, I am as full of love for humanity as I was before, and back to my usual good humoured self.
Just please mention not mackerel in my presence for some time.

To the greatest god of all,

Saradomin, when I sell my rope and wool to the general store, the shopkeeper always has coins to hand, however much I bring. How is this possible? Is the shopkeeper a rich man in disguise? How does he make all that money? Please answer this plea.

Your most loyal follower,
Ned, of Draynor Village

Most shopkeepers make a very good living from the day to day sale of small and insignificant items such as pots, buckets and hammers, which they buy in bulk and then sell individually for extremely healthy mark ups - yet all shop keepers dream of the famous day when a party hat was sold to them for a mere 2 gold.

There were many rounds of drinks on THAT shopkeeper at the merchants' guild that night, let me assure you.

Here is a little fun for the best god going. I drive the cart from Shilo Village, so I know this one well.

Pretend you are a cart driver. There are 10 people on the cart.
At the first stop:
10 people get on, named Bill.
1 person gets off, named Sal.

At the second stop:
5 people get on, named Sal.
11 get off, called Bill.

At the third stop:
17 people get on, called Bill.

13 get off, called Sal.

What is the cart driver's name? The Cart driver, of Shilo Village

Well, I'm slightly surprised you used your chance to contact me with a childish riddle, but the answer is that the driver would be the same at the end of the journey as he was at the start.

In other words, the driver would still be the glorious Saradomin - but I have a question of my own for you;

Why would ten men named Bill all want to go to Shilo Village on the same day?

Lately I have heard of a thing called "Superheat Item"... I hear it lets a smith make iron bars every time, with none of the ore wasted. Thank you, Saradomin. Thurgo, south of Port Sarim

Um... you're welcome? It is actually a magic, not an item, but useful nonetheless.

Dear Saradomin,
Why is there no bank in Lumbridge? My town is one of the busiest in the land, even if most of its visitors are newcomers. Many of them die in the scorpion mine, or to the dark wizards and the highwaymen, and lose nearly everything before they reach a bank. Please give Lumbridge a bank, near the farms or anywhere else.

Your almost faithful follower, Duke Horacio, of Lumbridge castle

Cost cutting exercises by the First National Bank of Q-pea meant many branch closures of the smaller, local banks some years back.
It is somewhat unfortunate, but all newcomers from Tutorial Island have access to a bank before reaching the mainland, where they can ensure their meagre posessions are secure, and the large town of Varrock which is but a small journey from Lumbridge has not one but two large branches of the bank, available for all.

Dear Saradomin,

I have many questions, but I know your time is short. When the Deepening comes, will a fighter see what others wield? Will he tell a two-hander from a longsword or a dagger, or a kiteshield from a square shield? And will rings ever be worn? I sell many, and nobody can wear them. Also, you know the Mage Andrew? I mean no harm, but sometimes he seems to favour the stronger travellers. It came up in a talk with the champions. Everyone should be treated equally. Sorry for any trouble.

Thank you very much,

Scavvo, of the Champions' Guild

I have good news for you, for in the new version of the world you can indeed see exactly what weaponry and armour another player is wearing, for each will look different enough to be obvious at a glance. Similarly, You will also be able to wear any rings that you choose to.
I also agree that everyone should be treated equally, and can assure you the Mage Andrew does not favour higher leveled players over others.

He hates you all, and tries to make all your lives equally miserable... just kidding! Andrew, please punish not my followers in retaliation!

Great Saradomin, I teach thieving, and I am troubled. I want to send my pupils to the market stalls of Ardougne, but there are only three ways there, and each is hard. Their magic is too weak to teleport, and they are too weak to cross white wolf Mountain, and they never get far through the Wilderness without being killed. Please, mighty Saradomin, tell me how they might reach Ardougne, the land of which they dream. I should rather my name stayed off this letter, for the other rogues will laugh at my pupils' weak arms.

Yours truly, a very faithful follower, Martin Thwait, of the Rogues' Den, Burthorpe

(P.S. I sent this letter twice, to correct a number of spelling mistakes. And then my name went on it anyway.)

If you can find some kind soul to escort you past the dangers of White Wolf mountain the first time, you will find a shortcut through the dwarven passages that will save you from being harrassed by the dangers of the mountain afterwards.
He may of course require some small favour in return for access to this passage...

Alternatively, you may prefer to take the pleasant scenic route by boat to Karamja, and then transfer to take the equally picturesque boat journey from Brimhaven back to the mainland.

Tours operate daily, and I believe are very reasonably priced for such a popular cruise.

Great Lord, I teach the newcomers on Tutorial Island. After the Deepening, will every traveller have to come back through my island, even the old hands, to learn the new ways of the world? If not, perhaps they should. Some of them may grow confused and frustrated, and give up their adventures altogether.

A Faithful Follower,
The Survival Expert, of Tutorial Island

You will almost certainly be glad to hear that the ever popular, and exceedingly useful, Tutorial Island will remain in place after the upgrade, for all newcomers to the world of Q-pea to gain some knowledge of the land before being set loose upon the general populace.
For those who are already wise to the ways of the world of Q-pea, they will not find the control system so different as to be unfamiliar to them, and should be able to re-adjust themselves very quickly to the new scheme of things.

Great and powerful Saradomin (I spelled your name correctly), could you fix something that bothers my miners? When one of them dies, he keeps all the tiredness he had before. Then he has lost his sleeping bag too, and must hunt for a bed. Please fix this. Your loyal follower,
Belona, of the Mining Guild

I could see how this could be an annoyance... if there were not an abundance of beds contained within Lumbridge.
Regaining fatigue is but a short matter of gaining some quick rest.

To the god Saradomin,
As the keeper of the Library, I must be a pedant, and I recently noted a spelling error in one of your replies. You said (well, wrote, actually): "Yes. Well.
Why don't I just set everyones level to 99 and give everyone full rune while I'm at it? Then theres no need to even play the game anymore."
Note the missing apostrophes in "everyones" and "theres."
I apologize for being so annoying, but sometimes I really cannot help myself. Habit, you know.

Reldo, of the Library of Varrock

As a pedant you should feel glad that I will correct you in pointing out that lack of apostrophes is an error in punctuation, not of spelling.
The mistake is, of course, not mine, for mighty Saradomin is never in error - rather it is the fault of the cheap dwarven labour employed by the Council who are responsible for typesetting and printing these responses.

So there.

Dear oh great saradomin,

I feel my customers should be able to eat raw fish. The fishermen of the far islands eat it raw every day, and they live to a great age.

From Gerrant, of Gerrant's Fishy Business, Port Sarim (the fishmonger with no cooks at all)

When you eat raw fish, you eat also the environment in which that fish did live.
I think I have already warned players on the poor sanitary state of the rivers and oceans of Q-pea...

I have some small queries which I will answer briefly, before leaving you once more;

A Barbarian, of Barbarian Village, asks me "Why can't 2H swords have their own shop?" - I am sure you will be glad to know that such a shop does indeed exist...
and suggest you search a little more thoroughly in future...

The Bartender of the Blue Moon Inn asks "What music do you like? I would play it in the inn, if anybody could play." - to which my only answer is that I enjoy nothing more than the Psalms and Hymns of my temples, extolling my virtues and glories for all to hear.

It is, literally, music to mine ears.

Grubor, of the Black Arm Gang, would like to know "y r u the god of goodness?"
Because the god of spelling, grammar and punctuation was already taken.
I don't think he does his job very well.

"Why is the lesser Demon in wizard tower locked up?" asks Wilough, of Varrock; My only reply is that it is because it would be extremely dangerous for the wizards if he was allowed to roam free.

And finally, Lady Keli, of the bandit camp near Draynor, would like to know "Is there a bell I could ring to call you, some lonely evening?" - No. I ABSOLUTELY do not.

My work here for the time being is done... and so I must depart once more.
Until next time we meet, live each day as though it were your last;
with compassion, with mercy, with honour.

Strength through wisdom,

Saradomin

DISCLAIMER: The views of Saradomin do not reflect the views of DoubleU. DoubleU tried to stop him saying anything controversial, but he is a god. If you would like to contact him however...