Letters #20 - Saradomin Answers Questions

Saradomin Answers Questions

SARADOMIN, LORD OF ORDER, AND DEITY OF WISDOM, RETURNS TO OFFER HIS FOLLOWERS MORE INSIGHTS INTO THE WORKINGS OF THE LAND KNOWN AS Q-PEA.
TOPICS OF NOTE IN THIS EDITION OF THE LETTERS INCLUDE A NEW LOOK FOR SARADOMIN AND A DEMON CALLED LEMMY.

Salutations honoured followers, for I know many have missed my musings these months past. Rejoice once more, for Saradomin the wise is amongst you again!
I can tell from the number of queries I have received recently just how needy of my wisdom the average citizen today is! So with my usual grace and style I have allowed the lucky few responses to their questions.
And what questions you have asked this time!
You doubt the mighty Saradomin? Well let's have a little look at what has been sitting in the bottom of my mailbag begging to be answered by the wisest deity in Q-pea...

Dear mighty Saradomin,
A mysterious old man lives in my village, and he appears and disappears as he pleases. I hear he speaks to travellers and gives them things. I once saw him talking to a woodcutter. When I spoke to him, he said "I am trying to talk to this one, but he is ignoring me." Then he vanished. Where does this man come from? Is he a god, a wizard or a plain man? And why does he give people things?
Thank you for your time,
Ned, of Draynor Village

There is a tale told in the taverns of a wizard who has been researching the mysteries of 'summoning' creatures from other dimensions with a mysterious type of rune that has not been seen before on this world.
The rumours have it, that he wanders the lands searching for feeble minded individuals who are of such low intellect that they cannot respond even directly to their own name being called so that he may practice his summoning and mind control methods upon them.
Those who appear to not have the wit to recognise their own name when spoken to, may find themselves transported to various locations as this wizard tries to master his 'summoning' technique, so that he can perfect the methods of distance travelled versus various sizes and weights of body mass. It is also of interest to this mage to see the reaction time of such individuals before they realise what has happened, again, to aid in his summoning experiments.
If those he query by name show themselves to be mentally sufficient of understanding, he dismisses them as a suitable test subject, and offers a gift to avoid suspicion of his activities, for he is working hard upon being able to summon and control creatures far more dangerous than feeble minded miners and woodcutters.
How true this tale is I cannot say, for I have never seen this mysterious man, but it certainly seems consistent with the reports of his appearance does it not?

Oh Benevolent Saradomin,

We pray to your name every morning on the holy isle. Where does the name come from?

Scholarly, a Monk of Entrana

Although I am sure Reldo could offer you an interesting theoretical treatise on my name, the truth is that it is merely my name.
Sometimes a name is just a name, it has no hidden meaning behind it - other than that it is a great and generous name for a great and generous god!

I asked you before: "Why is the lesser Demon in the Wizards' Tower locked up?" You said, "My only reply is that it is because it would be extremely dangerous for the wizards if he was allowed to roam free." So my question is: why is he there in the first place?

A boy who follows no god and asks too many questions, Wilough, of Varrock

Well, the wizards of the newly created Wizards' tower are great students of the magical arts, and the demon is simply a leftover from one of their many experimentations. I believe the original purpose of the experiment was to discover what exactly lesser demons are made of and why exactly all they leave behind when killed is a small heap of ash.
I do not know if they ever came up with an answer to that one, but I do know that the young mages who learn their skills at the tower have a great fondness for this demon, and have taken him on as a mascot of sorts. Although I do not condone the presence of such an evil fiend in my lands, or the captivity of a living animal for experimentation, it gladdens my heart to know that in some way this poor misguided creature has found some kind of rapport with the wizards as a mascot, instead of just trying to eat them.
I believe they call him 'Lemmy'.

Saradomin I want to know 1 thing, what is a thingummywut, and if it is real can u show a picture in you next letters. Grubor, of the Black Arm Gang

PS Don't change the subject like you do with other people and say i have bad grammer and stuff like that.

I never change the subject of the pleas of my followers, for all messages sent to me are by definition about me, and the glory of Saradomin is a subject which I can speak for hours upon and never get bored!
To answer your question, a thingummywut is a combination of a lack of vocabulary in a half-senile old man, and a lifetime of misunderstood paranoia. It is the fear that cannot be named, yet nestles deep in his heart and has done for many years.
Traiborn, although a man both brave and pure, is still what is politely called a hamper short of a picnic.

O' mighty Saradomin,

Does the Council keep at least one of each holiday gift for itself, since it hands them out every holiday? You are a god, so you should know. I sell costumes, and I would love to know what is in their cupboards.

From the Fancy dress shop owner, of east Varrock

P.S. Why does the temple of the Zamorak monks have an altar? Prayer is your work, not Zamorak's.

I know that the greedy council have a warehouse filled with holiday items that they hold back from the public, and sell occasionally to boost their tax coffers - sometimes they use the high alchemy spell on them too in a perverse sense of mischief, knowing that if people knew they did such a thing they would be shocked.

I would think less of them, if I did not consider the pursuit of these holiday items in the first place such an empty materialistic practice.

Dear Saradomin,

I mine, I smith, and I teach the travellers both. Why are the furnaces and the anvils always so far apart? Is there no place in the world where both stand together?

Signed,

Doric, of his anvil north of Falador

Yes, there is such a place which contains abundant ores, a furnace, and anvils all in the same underground cavern.

It is located on the land named 'Tutorial Island' and is populated daily by newcomers to this land.

Those desiring to combine the use of a furnace with proximity to anvils would be well advised to learn the spell known as 'superheat item'.

Dear Saradomin, I have noticed that both Guthix and Zamorak have been given a new, deeper appearance. I was wondering, what will you look like in our world after the Deepening?
Please send us a picture in your next letters, so I can hang it in the monastery. Brother Jered, of the Edgeville monastery

I have the same appearance that I have always had, for I am Saradomin the unchanging wisdom. You can find a better representation of my glorious visage at the beginning of this letters page however! May all who see my glory follow my path!

Hello, great god Saradomin. This is a faithful follower who sails between the two great cities.
I have but one simple question: which city is larger, Varrock or Ardougne? My passengers argue about it on every crossing.

Thank you for thee time oh powerful one.
Your loyal follower,
Captain Barnaby, of the ship to Ardougne

An interesting query, and one that is difficult to answer without certain definitons.
Do the Palaces count as part of the cities?
Do you base size upon the number of buildings?
Or the population?
Or the general size of the area?
I could certainly answer your question, you just need to ask it correctly... such is the way of the wise. The answer to the question is not as important as the question that is asked. Learn this lesson well, for it shall prove valuable.

Dear almighty Saradomin,

Why is there no place in Q-pea where folk can show their pictures of this wonderful world, or of their friends? My customers sew it on cloth, paint it on boards, and have nowhere to hang it. Will there ever be such a place? Please let me know soon.

Thessalia, of Thessalia's Fine Clothes, Varrock

I, and indeed all of the gods, have a love and appreciation for artwork of all kinds - witness the number of statues of myself scattered around my lands! If those of you who are gifted with the arts of art and design wish to send their work to myself or any of the other deities it will certainly be considered for publication within these letters pages, and if we see enough high quality artwork we may even consider a gallery such as you speak of.
Pictures of myself in all of my glory are particularly artistic in my view!

And so the shadows draw long upon the walls, as the candle dims and the day softly ends. It is now time that I leave this plane once more, hopefully in the knowledge that I have spread my light amongst your hearts and minds, and kept the coldness from your souls from entering.
Fret not my devout followers, for I shall return soon, as my tasks to bring wisdom to the questioning is eternal, and I still have much work before I may rest. I will see you all soon once more, but until then remember the spark of goodness in all of your hearts that calls itself Saradomin...

until next time

Strength through wisdom,

Saradomin

DISCLAIMER: The views of Saradomin do not reflect the views of DoubleU. DoubleU tried to stop him saying anything controversial, but he is a god. If you would like to contact him however...