Letters #21 - Saradomin Illuminates

Saradomin Illuminates

SARADOMIN RETURNS ONCE MORE TO BRING THE LIGHT OF HIS WISDOM IN THE DARKNESS OF CONFUSION.

TOPICS OF INTEREST IN THIS EDITION OF THE LETTERS INCLUDE THE JOYS OF FISHING IN THE WILDERNESS, THE UNFAIRNESS OF DROPS FROM MONSTERS, THE MEASURE OF FIREPOWER OF DWARF MULTICANNONS AND THE LIES OF GUTHIX...

Greetings loyal subjects, once again! It has not been long since last I spoke to you, yet I see my wisdom is sorely needed still.
It is for this reason that I have taken time out from my usual hectic schedule to answer the pleas and queries of my followers once more!
What questions left unanswered have been consuming the hearts and minds of loyal saradominists across my lands this time? Well let us see for ourselves...

Yo! What's up, big guy in the sky? I fly past you every day in my glider, so here's one for you: where do runes come from, buddy? I mean, like, they don't just appear out of nowhere, do they? That would be cool though. Awesome. Anyway, where do runes come from, pal?

I is your friend, pal,
Captain Errdo, glider pilot of the Grand Tree

Ah, when I think back to the days when the mighty Wizards Tower stood gloriously on the ocean as the hard working mages crafted their runes to defend their settlements and villages in my name... I'm sorry, I seem to have wandered off slightly there.

To answer your question, many years ago a man who is known as the first wizard found a place made of a strange kind of rock that absorbed the mighty powers of nature.
Together with like minded individuals they began to mine this rock, and built mighty temples in honour of the forces they absorbed and began to fashion hundreds and thousands of rune stones in various temples so that they could let anyone with sufficient practice use these forces as magical spells.
There is a first hand account of this time available in the Library of Varrock, or due to a recent discovery brave adventurers may witness the method of creating rune stones for themselves firsthand!
Give it a try, and remember me as you do so!

Saradomin, why are there no fishing spots in the Wilderness? My customers would pay well for the fish. Gerrant, of Gerrant's Fishy Business, Port Sarim

I would prefer my followers to resist the evil lure of the wilderness entirely, but I accept that sometimes there is no recourse but to take action against that offensive place and enter it.
This is why I ensured that there would be fresh fish, even in the heart of the darkness that is the wilderness at the bandit camp.
Have an anchovy pizza in my name next time you are smiting the Zamorakians!

Dear Saradomin, lord of order, keeper of peace, and scourge of...(etc. etc.)
I have noticed more and more spelling mistakes in the letters you publish. Not yours, but those of your writers. Is it just me, or do you mess up people's letters on purpose, to make them look like complete idiots. I see a great many grammar errors, misspelt words, and also repeated words in most of the letters you print.
So...is it everybody's lack of writing skills, or your quite amusing ability to 'randomly' change what people have to say?

Sedridor, of the Wizards' Tower

P.S: Every wizard in the Tower read this letter before I sent it, so there are no mistakes whatsoever. Also, If it is not you who adds the extra words here and there, then I think you should edit people's letters for clarity (etc.)

Those who take themselves too seriously, and contain too much pride, as the saying goes, often approach a fall. Such as using a capital letter after a comma...

I am a god, so I do not make mistakes, but those who write to me are not (quite clearly in some cases) so my boundless love for the world lets me forgive them for their errors, and I am shocked that you would suspect me of making my followers appear unlearned by deliberately adding mistakes to their missives!
That might be something the treacherous Zamorak might do, but not me!

Mighty Saradomin,
Why is fortune so unfair? Some fighters stay days, weeks or months in one spot, hoping for a dragon shield or a dragon medium helm. I have been one of them. I have killed more dragons than any man alive, hunting for one piece of dragon armour. Yet a newcomer walks in for two days, kills a fraction of what I killed, and finds the very piece I am after. Mighty Saradomin, help me understand this, and send down a blessing to end my search.

Thank you,

Oziach, of his hut near Edgeville

Lady luck is indeed a fickle mistress, as all adventurers can attest, but does it not make the reward so much sweeter when you have worked and searched for it for so long?
I think you will find that the more troublesome the search, the more fulfilling the bounty...

Could you help one of your followers and tell me where to find eyes of newt? My cauldron is waiting.

Your follower, Hetty, of Rimmington

I believe they are usually located in the two holes made to hold them on a newts face...

Oh almighty Saradomin,

My guards must tell a Zamorakian, a Guthixian and a Saradominist apart at the palace gate. How do they do it?

Your humble follower,
Captain Rovin, of the Varrock palace guard

Ask them for help;
A follower of mine will offer assistance instantly, for they are pure of heart and know the glory of performing good deeds in my name.
A cursed Zamorakian will likely call you a newcomer and laugh in your face, for they hold all life in contempt.
A Guthixian will likely be consumed by an inner turmoil as they struggle to decide whether helping you will be changing the balance of things too much...

Why must cannonballs be steel and never iron? I would sell far more cannons if the balls could be made of other metals.

And why do multi-cannon balls vanish after firing? Something so big, you would think the travellers could pick them up again.

Strength through order, power through experience, Nulodion, the dwarven cannon engineer, of Ice Mountain

The firing tests conducted by the dwarves before allowing the cannon to become a viable munition did indeed involve testing with various other metals, but it was found that the impurities present in iron and bronze meant often they would not cleanly leave the cannon chambers, and would end up exploding in the face of the unfortunate dwarf who was conducting the testing.
May he rest in peace.

As ingenious as the Dwarven mechanics are, when they designed their cannons they put perhaps too large an emphasis upon raw power and not enough upon finesse. As a result, every cannonball fired usually ends up vaporised from the force of the blast. As too, usually, does the target...

Dear ruler of Q-pea

I want to become a loyal follower of you, as my knights are. How do I do it? And why do you end all your replies with "Strength through wisdom"? Does it mean that a wise man gets his strength from his wisdom, or what? I would rather get mine from a sword.

The powerful knight (one day),

The Squire of the White Knights, Falador

I close my letters to my loyal followers with the motto 'Strength through wisdom' for it is the creed by which I exist.
A wise man with nothing may defeat a thousand fully armoured foes before they have even realised they are under attack, for wisdom is one of the greatest gifts I can bestow upon my followers.

Omnicient Saradomin,

I have been wondering why a certain place in my kingdom exists,
and I must ask you why. I speak of the
Underground Pass. The name "Pass" makes me
think of a passage, a way to travel from one place to
another. It starts in West Ardougne, but my scouts cannot find
where it ends. It ends underground, in the lair where the brave I sent fought
Iban. Why would anybody build a passage
full of traps and foul beings such as zombies, only to
end at a place where a traveller is killed (if he was not already
killed on the way)? I know you would
rather not speak of this place, for it is a rallying point
for your evil brother Zamorak's minions, but I must implore you, please
give me the knowledge I seek.

I also wonder whether gods have feelings. Zamorak seems to be a
fairly funny fellow, and you a caring god, whereas Guthix seems to care
about nothing. He shows no feeling at all: no happiness, anger, jealousy, or
anything else. I only wonder...

Faithful Saradominian,

King Lathas, of East Ardougne

I wish I could assist you in your query of that accursed place, but unfortunately the stench of corruption and evil that fills it defiles mine senses and prevents me from approaching.
I do know that the lands to the West have been blocked from access by this abominable pass, but that workmen are working hard to re-establish the passage through the mountains that has been blocked from access for so long...

As for your other question, where most gods take on certain aspects of their followers, for they exist partly to fulfill a required and expected role, Guthix has no real followers to speak of and gains his power from different ways. He has no easily recognisable emotions (unless you count being boring as an emotion!) as he has no easily recognisable followers, purpose, or point of really existing!

To my official god of power and wonder: you must answer these questions.

1) Why is Guthixes head a floating skull? I thought he wasn't "evil".
2) Why is Zamarok so ignorant? I very much dislike him, do you ever see him?
3) How much gold does the Council pay you? Rat Burgiss, of the road south of Varrock

1) Guthixes current form (I have no idea why he has chosen it personally) seems to suit him somewhat, but you should not take the value of a person (or indeed a god) by their appearance. Just as a man may be beautiful to look at yet have a soul as ugly as sin, so too may a monster have a heart of golden honour.

2) Zamorak, alas, cannot see the purity and wisdom of my cause, and chooses to fight me at every step. I too very much dislike him, but I have had to somewhat accept his presence upon this world. I see him as little as I possibly can, for the spiteful tricks he plays upon me distract from my true calling.

3) I have no interest in the currency of men, I fulfill my role answering questions as it enables all to see my wisdom and serves to show good reason why they should choose to follow their lives in my name.

Dear horrid and putrid Saradomin,
I find this quote odd...

I think you should see an apothecary as soon as possible for you apparently have a medical condition that no-one else has.
And stay away from me, I'm a busy deity and can't afford to be slowed down with mystery illnesses.

For two reasons. You said he had an illness, yet you cared very little for your servant. I admit his complaining was annoying, but you claim to love all humanity. So you contradict yourself. I love it.

Secondly, I cannot imagine your greater brothers Guthix and Zamorak catching a human illness, as you are plainly afraid of doing. You are supposed to be all great, yet you can fall sick? I find this quite amusing as well...

Power through chaos..

A Chaos druid, of the dungeon beneath Taverley

My love for the world is so great that I can indeed fall 'ill' through the manifestation of sympathetic symptoms.
Although no illness would actually be present within my deified form, I suffer every blow that falls upon my loyal followers along with them...

Oh dearest of all the gods, Saradomin, I need your help.
You must have noticed that I am a good cook, for I feed the Duke every day. To perfect this noble skill, I have decided to enter the guild of chefs, the Cooking Guild. But the Head chef says I need a chef's hat to enter, a fair demand. I searched every shop in Misthalin and Kandarin. They had plenty of good wares, but no chef's hat. I hear the imps have stolen them (curse them), but 15 imps later I still have no hat. What should a follower do when he has found his calling and cannot follow it? Please answer, so the Head chef does not miss a good talent,

Yours sincerely,

The Cook, of Lumbridge castle

Those pesky imps certainly do have light fingers and enjoy the petty theft that befits their Zamorakian hearts!

I can confirm for you that imps do indeed drop chefs hats, but it may take you some time finding the particular imp that has a fondess for pretending he is a chef to his friends.
Failing that, you may be forced to buy such a hat; either from another player or from the fancy dress shop located in East Varrock.

Dear Saradomin

hello i have come to tell you that you are a liar fake idiot noone belives you are real

From a Mugger, of the roads outside Varrock

I would ask you what kind of 'liar fake idiot' would spend their time contacting a being they believe is not real...?

Oh great and mighty lord Saradomin.

Adventurers have explored the far north of the Wilderness and reached the impassable mountains to the west. Why then have they made no expeditions into the vast desert beyond Al Kharid, or across the wide seas of Gielinor? And if there are such expeditions, why do we never hear of them? I would sell them supplies.

Your loyal subject, Ali Morrisane, of Al Kharid

The current political climate of the Council deters travellers from spreading too far outside of their boundaries, for fear of reprisals from neighbouring lands and continents - I can tell thee true however, that the terrain that is 'impassable' to the West is not as impassable as you may think.

Also, Al-Kharid is but a principality of the larger desert that sprawls Southwards, and the wilderness is not the furthest point North that players will be able to access...
Oftentimes change comes slow, but when the more adventurous members of the Council gain enough power to reopen the trade and shipping routes against the wishes of their more conservative brethren then these lands will once more be visitable by players, along with new trials and tribulations to overcome.

And so once more I must leave you comrades, for time is the enemy of us all.
Hopefully I have brought some small amount of wisdom upon you all, so that I may leave you to take some small solace that you are never alone in this land as long as you have a friend in the glorious Saradomin.

Until next time...

Strength through wisdom,

Saradomin

DISCLAIMER: The views of Saradomin do not reflect the views of DoubleU. DoubleU tried to stop him saying anything controversial, but he is a god. If you would like to contact him however...