Letters #30 - Saradomin Is Robbed

Saradomin Is Robbed

The god of wisdom is not amused. A man carrying his staff has robbed the bank of Draynor, two of Falador's guards are dead, and a young archer insulted a dragon. Saradomin answers his followers on a troubled autumn.

Greetings, my faithful followers. I had hoped to write to you about harvests and kindness. Instead, my mailbag is full of crime.

Let me say at once that the robber of Draynor does not act in my name, whatever staff he carries.

Holy Saradomin, I guard the bank of Draynor, or I did. An old man with a long white beard blew a hole in our wall, killed the bankers and the travellers inside, and took a blue party hat. I saw it all from a tree. Now folk pay me to watch the tape of it. Is it a sin to sell the tape?

The Bank guard, of Draynor Village

Selling the tape is no sin. Watching the robbery from a tree while it happens is a matter for your captain.

The robber is the Wise Old Man, a retired adventurer of your own village. He carries a staff of mine, which he did not earn by kindness. Wisdom without goodness is only cleverness, and cleverness robs banks.

Dear Saradomin, on the day of the robbery a woman stole seeds from my stall, and I chased her across the market. When I came back, the bank had a hole in it. Was she part of the plan? Should I have let her keep the seeds?

The Market guard, of Draynor Village

She was. The thief Cool Mom227 drew you away so the old man could work in peace. You did your duty, and the duty was the trap. Next time, shout for help before you run.

Saradomin, two guards of my garden, Billy and Bob, were killed by a traveller who struck each one down with a single blow. Then he buried their bones on the spot and walked away whistling. The roses have not recovered. Who was he?

Wyson the gardener, of Falador Park

His name is PKMaster0036. The Wise Old Man, who knows a thief when he meets one, calls him the greatest hunter of travellers alive.

He did bury the bones, which shows some respect for my rites. I would have preferred he had not made the bones in the first place. Plant something over Billy and Bob. Lilies, perhaps.

Meow. I followed a young archer into the lair of the King Black Dragon. He had no shield against fire. He shouted "Lolz die noob!" at the dragon. The dragon did not die. Meow.

Bob, a cat of Burthorpe

Thank you, Bob. The archer was R4ng3rNo0b889, and he learned the oldest lesson of the Wilderness in one breath of fire.

To my followers I say: carry a shield against dragonfire, and keep your insults until the dragon is dead. Bob, how a cat came to write this letter, I will not ask.

Saradomin of the surface. JalYt come to our caves in many numbers now. They fight sixty-two waves of our kind, then TzTok-Jad. Most burn. Few win the cape of fire. Why does your kind seek to die in our caves? TzHaar not understand.

TzHaar-Mej-Jal, of the Fight Caves

My people seek glory, and a cape that tells the world they survived. It is a vain reason, but it is a human one.

I am told that TzTok-Jad is the hardest test my people have yet found. I am also told my people keep coming back for more. Please give them my blessing, and a little less lava.

One more letter reached me, which I print without comment:

The Wise Old Man, of Draynor Village, asks: "Does a staff of Saradomin come in blue, to match the hat?"
It does not.

Strength through wisdom,

Saradomin

DISCLAIMER: The views of Saradomin do not reflect the views of DoubleU. DoubleU tried to stop him saying anything controversial, but he is a god.