Letters #42 - Zamorak Meets the Snake

Zamorak Meets the Snake

The new lands have begun to arrive, and they brought monsters. The lord of chaos is delighted. In this issue he hears from a snake cult, a fishmonger with an exploding problem and a gardener at war with a mole.

Hail, followers of darkness. I told you to wait. You waited. Look what came over the edge of the map.

Snakes. Squids the size of ships. A mole the size of a barn. I could not have designed it better, and believe me, I tried.

Great Zamorak, our island of Zul-Andra came to your world with the rest of the lands. We worship the great serpent of the shrine, and our boats row the faithful out to her, to be fed to her. Now strangers ask to be rowed out to fight her instead. Is the serpent a god, as we believe? Should we let them go?

Priestess Zul-Gwenwynig, of the shrine of Zul-Andra

A god? Zulrah is a very large snake with three bad moods. I respect her enormously. I would not call her a god, mostly because she has not asked me to.

Row the strangers out, by all means. Charge them for the boat. The serpent eats either way, and you keep the fare.

Zamorak, a cove of whirlpools appeared north of my fishing grounds. The travellers throw explosives into them, and out comes a squid as big as my shop, with all its arms at once. My customers want harpoons and bandages in equal numbers. Should I sell the explosives too?

Harry, of the fishing shop in Catherby

Sell everything. That squid is the Kraken, and it rises from its whirlpool with all its tentacles the moment it is struck. A fishing explosive wakes the whole lot at once.

Fishing used to be about patience. Now it is about explosions. I call that a modern world even I can love.

Lord of chaos, there are mole hills all over my park. The travellers dig into them with spades, drop down a hole, and come back up hours later covered in mud and claws. Under my roses lives a mole the size of a barn. Who put it there?

Wyson the gardener, of Falador Park

Nobody put it there, Wyson. The Giant Mole came with the other world, and it liked your park. Some creatures have taste.

Buy the claws and skins from the travellers who climb back out. Then tell them there is a bigger mole somewhere. There probably is.

Oziach, of his hut near Edgeville, asks: "You promised new dragons. A snake is no dragon. Where are they?"
Patience. One of them is still being put back together.

Strength through chaos,

Zamorak

DISCLAIMER: The views of Zamorak do not reflect the views of DoubleU. DoubleU would ban him, but he's a god.