Letters #6 - All Hallow's Eve

Saradomin Responds.

Five Ages after creating the world of Q-pea, the great god Saradomin now regularly communicates with the inhabitants of this fast evolving planet. An agreement with his brothers prohibits him from directly intervening into Q-pea's affairs, but in his great omniscience he still listens to the prayers of those who seek his knowledge.

Dear Saradomin,

I only wanted to thank you for the masks at Halloween. I found just one, behind the fountain in the square, and I wore it all evening. Romeo did not recognise me at all. It was the best day of my year.

Thanks again

Juliet, of VarrockIt gladdens my heart to see that it hath brought you so much pleasure. And to think that some people have said that these masks should have been deposited straight into their bank accounts. Now where's the fun in that I ask you?

Righteous Saradomin,

Your praises are often on my lips, even out here at the edge of the desert. The masks you sent at Halloween brought a joy to the land it has not known before.

But tell me, Holy One: the masks fell in the morning, while we of the desert pass were still asleep after our long night watch. By the time we woke, the north had found them all. Must it always be so? Are we of the far south doomed to buy these relics, and never know the joy of finding one?

Your loyal follower, Shantay, keeper of the desert pass

Ah yes, the north and the far south. Some say they are different worlds, and the desert certainly feels like one. But Saradomin's mercy crosses all boundaries, and verily these masks were dropped across a span of fifteen of your hours, such was the dedication of our distributor.

Dear Saradomin,

For many years I have wondered whether the king's law runs in the Wilderness at all. When my guards patrol the edge, the outlanders curse them in words I will not repeat. Men who swore on their mothers' graves to stand by one another turn on each other there. The two dark churches in the north are plainly your brother's. Is the Wilderness simply his, beyond your help?

Captain Rovin, of the Varrock palace guard

Swearing on their mothers' graves and then attacking you? I wonder how meticulous you are about your choice of friends. But you're right in saying that the wilderness is essentially a Zamorakian affair. It seems that even the most good-natured of players gets the urge to decapitate his fellow man occasionally. And so the wilderness enables them to do this. Of course swearing is still not allowed in the wilderness, and if someone is verbally offensive to you, please use the 'report abuse' button.

Oh great Saradomin,

I cannot cook, so I eat kebabs. But the kebab seller in Al Kharid will sell me only one at a time. One. I walk away, I walk back, I ask again. Why can he not keep a shelf of them, like every other shop? I could spend those hours burying bones in your name instead.

Serving you,

Louie Legs, of Al Kharid

More than one kebab at a time? That would be just decadent. Q-pea is supposed to be a land of finely-tuned warrior poets, not grease encrusted slobs!

Besides, the kebab seller has to prepare them individually, so that you can always be sure of its freshness. Especially since goblin meat doesn't tend to keep too long.

Saradomin,

As a man of medicine, I have studied the outlanders closely. They eat a dozen lobsters a day, and they never grow round. Where does it all go? They have no way to lose the bulk, except when a beast hacks a piece off them. A healthy body needs somewhere to go. I propose outhouses.

That is my only complaint today. If you will not give us outhouses, perhaps Zamorak will, and prove himself the greater god.

Dr Harlow, of the Blue Moon Inn, Varrock

Ah yes, Zamorak, god of bowel movements. I'm sure he would be flattered. But I'm glad you share my concerns about obesity. This is why there is so much walking in Q-pea - to keep players in the peak of fitness. So I don't think that out-houses are such a pressing concern, although I have noticed that the lake by Taverley has started to look a bit muddy recently.

Saradomin,

I know what I ask is no small thing. I would pay a great sum, or brave any trial, to change my name just once. My mother named me in a moment of humour, and every child in Draynor has laughed at it since. I am a respectable witch now, with a respectable cauldron. I long for a name to match. Perhaps I must pay for my mother's jest forever.

Aggie, the witch of Draynor

You should not feel ashamed, Aggie. Well, maybe just a little bit. But your name is your identity and your birthright, so wear it with pride. The important thing is what your name represents. Are you an untrustworthy scammer, or a vigorour pursuer of truth? The former will be shunned by his peers, whilst the latter is embraced. And so the permanence of names is of great significance. Whatever your name is, you must make a name for yourself!

To the god of all things,

I must know about the coming Deepening. My scrying engine in the manor is old and slow, yet it shows me the world perfectly well. When the world gains its depth, will my old engine still see it? Or must I build a new one? I am not the only scientist asking.

Long live the gods.

Professor Oddenstein, of Draynor Manor

Fear not, my good friend, your facilities will indeed be sufficient for the upgraded version.

Greetings Saradomin,

You and your brother Zamorak quarrel without end. I have thought about it a great deal in my tower. Without evil, there would be no reason to be good. If all were evil, it would rot itself away and leave room for good. So the quarrel is pointless. I propose a god of neutrality, to keep the balance and let neither side grow too strong.

A neutral god would be a studious sort, with no ambitions of his own, siding with neither of you until things got out of hand. His colour would be red: white for good, black for bad, red for the middle. It would end the quarrelling, or at least quiet it. I have had terrible headaches lately, and I blame the two of you.

Wizard Traiborn, of the Wizards' Tower

Behold, such a god exists - my brother Guthix. He doesn't really do much; that's neutrality for you I suppose. But the druids seem to like him.

Almighty Saradomin,
I only wanted to thank You for Your mercy. A passing outlander said You told him to give an old tramp his rune two-handed sword, and he did. I sold it for a month of hot meals.

Charlie the Tramp, of the Varrock alleys

Hmm... I don't remember telling that outlander anything of the sort. But I wouldn't want to suggest that he has been hearing voices. So let's just call it an act of faith.

Oh Saradomin,
What is all this new magic? The weak and defenceless now cast spells back at us. My brothers of the stone circle cannot prey on the travellers of the Wilderness half as easily as before. It is most unfair.

A Dark Wizard, of the stone circle south of Varrock

And that was the idea. But I think that its more of a case of redressing the balance, not giving an unfair advantage. Indeed, some mages are saying that we haven't gone far enough. Perhaps omnipotence does not extend to pleasing everyone.

Hello my mighty god,

I was wondering if you could reply to my question, I need answers...

I sail outlanders to new lands, and on every new shore I see the same strange man. He calls himself null. He looks ordinary until you look closely, and then you see he is level 1, when every outlander begins at 3. I sent him a letter and it came back undelivered, though I had just seen him on the dock. And he vanishes and returns. Who is he?

Veos, captain of the Lady of the Waves, Port Sarim

Null is a mystical guardian who protects you when you first enter new areas. He is a passive and benevolent force, and as such his combat level never rises above 1. He appears and disappears in order to attend to the needs of all those who may require his protection.

Until next time my friends,

Strength through wisdom

Saradomin